Tuesday, April 26, 2011

[innocent] "phone call"

I heard your voice today. I ACTUALLY heard your voice. What do you say to someone who you haven't talked to in QUITE a while? What's the appropriate conversation starter/stimulator? What would you say to someone who you hung on to for a long time?  I didn't know what to say so to avoid babbling, I passed the phone to someone else.

Dorothy Boyd was right. You had me at "Hello."

Kinda sucks that, to you, it was just an innocent phone call.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

The Thieves That Love to Steal

It's been a week and a half since the start of summer vacation. Since then, there's been a ginormous body print of myself on my bed. One that may probably be permanent. I came up with this wake-up-breakfast-sleep-lunch-sleep-TV-internet-dinner-watch-movies-slash-play-PC-games-midnight-snack-sleep(@around4am) Routine which i followed for 5 straight days. My body blew up like a balloon with Tungsten Hexafluoride gas (at room temperature). I didn't notice it because I was busy telling myself, "This is the life!"

The last time I saw my friends was the weekend before I started The Routine. I was preparing myself to miss them real bad. My clingy-ness and I are mortal enemies. I almost always can't stand being away from friends. Whenever we say goodbye to each other, I feel like they're taking something valuable from me that I always look forward to getting back. Before undergoing The Routine, I promised myself that I was going to hide that valuable thing where they cannot see and take it. It was the perfect plan because I was going to be away from my friends for a long time since summer's arrived. (I don't usually take summer classes because I believe that summer VACATION is made to be had. But that argument is not for here.)

During the first week until yesterday, I was proud of myself because I wasn't missing them that much. I hid it well, I thought. I wasn't texting anyone, "haymissyou" or the plain and sincere, "I miss you." I wasn't posting to anyone's Facebook wall as usual. I was detached to the world and was VERY proud of it. But then today came. I had to go to school because I was gonna get a new ID (my current ID has lost its purpose of being able to identify me), ask the Econ admin about my priority status next semester (breathes deeply), and attend an org meeting. I found myself not looking forward to doing and finish doing all those things. I was looking forward to going to our tambayan and seeing my friends. When I finally met up with them, I couldn't shut myself up, and at the same time, I didn't wanna shut them up. I wanted to talk and hang out with them until it is physically impossible for us to stand each other. Our org meeting lasted for almost 2 hours because I couldn't stop myself from reacting to every little thing that my friends said (sorry about that by the way). When it was time to say goodbye, I only hugged the person that I may not be able to see for a long time. I didn't feel the need to hug the others because I will see them again real soon. When I was in the car, I realized that I had missed them all along. I was just stopping myself from smothering them with cheesiness because I figured that a person who shows his/her emotions often can become a target to people who are more than ready to hurt him/her. Being so attached to people melts down your shield and makes you vulnerable to anything. Being too attached is like having AIDS. It attacks your immune system and messes it up real bad so a little bump or scratch can be real fatal to the person.


The Routine was the best distraction. That valuable thing that I thought I hid oh so well was actually with them all this time. And now I got it back again. From now on, I will hide that valuable thing where NO ONE can find it. I will set up traps and mazes, check up on it everyday to make sure that it won't be stolen again, and hope that I can actually keep this up. I will bury it real deep so people can have a hard time digging it up. I must keep my friends as far away from it as possible. Those scheming little thieves!

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Econ 141, I just kicked your ass!

I CANNOT BELIEVE I PASSED ECON 141. Thank you, Ma'am Carlos! I bet it was such a challenge to curve our fucked up grades, BUT YOU WERE STILL ABLE TO DO IT! Everything that they said about you is not true after all. You have a heart just like everyone of us. I don't know if I'm making sense or what (since my laptop and I are the only ones stable in my room. Everything else is spinning.), but I'm just really grateful that all the here-comes-the-suns paid off! As soon as I saw my grade, I immediately called my bestfriend because I couldn't contain my emotions. I felt like my heart was gonna burst out of my chest! All I can say is, THANK YOU, LORD! All the prayers and hardwork paid off! Kudos to us! :)

I don't care if I'm the butt of the curve. I JUST KICKED ECON 141'S ASS! Prepare Econ 199 (Thesis) for some ass kicking!

PS: If I'm just seeing things since my head's kinda messing with me, I must post this and check it again tomorrow:

Monday, April 4, 2011

Disclaimer: I'M NOT GRADUATING YET

When I was in my senior year in highschool, I didn't want to go to college anywhere else but in UST. Everything was already set up in my head. I was gonna go to college with one of my bestfriends, we were gonna go home together everyday, hang out, etc. I was gonna study Psychology, which got me excited even more. I felt that UST was a big enough pond for a big enough fish like me to swim in. But my parents pushed me to go to UP. I didn't wanna go to UP. It was the Pacific Ocean, and I was a poor little Pandaka Pygmaea. I spent my summer vacation convincing them to let me go to the school that I want and got in to. I sulked and sulked until they finally got to me. They brought up the "financial issues" and I had no choice but to oblige. Parents will do/say whatever they can to manipulate you to also want what they want.

Fast forward:
I was still frustrated that I wasn't in the course that I wanted. I wanted to study Psychology, but since the quota is as high as frickin' Mt. Everest, I decided to apply to my second love, Economics. I'm now in my third year as an Economics major, and so far, I haven't had to drag to myself to go to [some of] my classes. It's funny how everything can change completely in a relatively short span of time. My parents now hate that I'm in UP because, to put it simply, it turned me into a person who thinks about stuff. They hate that I always have an opinion on almost everything. They hate that I answer back to them. "Nung bata kami hindi kami sumasagot sa mga magulang namin!" (Baka naman walang tinatanong.) They can't accept that life does not wait for them. That they can get stuck and the world will just keep spinning and changing. They already promised themselves they weren't gonna let my little sister go to UP. Which might change since people/they are, in general, capricious. Also, I learned to enjoy my [current] stay in UP. I found out a lot about myself, other people, and the things around me. I learned how to stand on my own two feet and not need any other set of feet but my own. I learned how to open my mind and be receptive on the views of others. It is now easier for me to pick the friends that I should keep and those that I should drop. Even though I'm not graduating this semester (which technically I should be), I now realize that I wouldn't have learned all these things if I went to UST or any other school. I wouldn't have met a set of friends that I will keep forever. I wouldn't have experienced riding a jeepney while my pants were ripped in half. I wouldn't have experienced eating nothing but street food because I didn't have food in my boarding house.

It never occurred to me that a little fish can actually grow into a big enough fish to fit in to the Pacific Ocean. I am and will forever be thankful that I got to experience (and still experience) the UP life.