Reel Life

Most of the time we're like Crazy Little Thing Called Love. That stupid teenage love affair that makes you giggle. Sometimes we're some Sandra Bullock movie. Old Sandra Bullock movie. Like While You Were Sleeping or Two Weeks Notice or something. Sometimes it's 10 Things I Hate About You. We have an awesome OST, but everything is shallow and predictable. Smart, yet predictable. Very seldom we're A Walk to Remember or If Only or P.S. I Love You. Those moments I don't like. I avoid those moments because I'm always the one getting hurt. Or I always cannot handle when you're the one getting hurt. It's all melodramatic and exaggerated. I REALLY hate it. Sometimes we're all Science of Sleep or Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I also hate those moments. It's like we're trying too hard to complicate something incredibly simple that it makes us dumb. I hate pretending to be dumb.

I love our Before Sunset moments where we just talk or be quiet together. I love those moments. I prolong those moments most of the time whenever I can. I like quiet. You seem to hate it, which is very weird.

Speaking of weird, sometimes we're Magic Mike. I don't wanna elaborate. It makes me uncomfortable. (It's not what you think.) Oooh, I also like our Dead Poets Society or Good Will Hunting moments where we have very intelligent conversations and it lasts for hours and instead of being enlightened about something, we actually get even more confused. I like those moments. Those are the moments when I feel that... I don't know. I just get this feeling in my stomach.

But at the end of the day I think we're just (500) Days of Summer. GREAT OST. Lots of Regina Spektor, who I LOVE. Great movie. Different and out of the box. (That's us; different and out of the box.) It's a taste of reality. It's a story of boy meets girl, but is not a love story. That's us. And it feels nice having realized that. It turns all the question marks into periods and exclamation points. It brings some kind of peace.

Now, just like every girl, I'm waiting for my Beauty and the Beast moment. I get impatient sometimes, but the Beast had to wait years for Belle to come so that puts things in perspective. (So I'm the Beast? :/) And to think, all the Disney princesses had to wait for their princes to "rescue" them so who am I to question Messrs Wilhelm and Jacob Grimm and Mister Walt.

But then sometimes I wonder. Maybe I should write my own story so I can be the main character of my own movie. I can be the leading lady (or the princess) and you can be... I don't know. I guess we'll have to see as a write it.

Touch, Hold, Cling, Grasp

A touch of pink.
A touch of a butterfly on Winnie the Pooh's nose.
A touch of a furry creature.
A touch due to curiosity.
A touch to a life.

The Touch of a hand.
Of two hands.
The playfulness of the Touch.
The feel of the Touch.
The inappropriateness of it all.
But the wanting of the Touch.
The feel of the Touch.
The feeling.
How it lingers.
How it still does until now.

A hold on to the wheel.
A hold to a glass.
A lasting hold of styling gel.
A hold to thought.
A hold of you.

The Hold of hand to arm.
The wish of the Hold of hand to hand instead of hand to arm.
The fear of the Hold of my sweaty palms.
The settling for the Hold of hand to arm or wrist.
The fear of the thought of Holding hands.

The Holding on to the memory of the Touch.
The going back to the Touch.
The wanting for the Touch to become a Hold.
The fear of dependence.
The lingering fear of dependence.

A cling of a monkey to a tree.
A cling of a baby to a mother.
A cling towards you.

The Cling of thoughts.
Oh how good the thoughts Cling.
The Cling to memory.
The wanting to forget.
The exhaustion of the wanting to forget.
The Cling that makes the scene repeat over and over again.
Over and over again until I feel that pain in my stomach.

The Grasp of idea.
The Grasping of the idea of impossibility.
The Grasping of the idea of a small window opening.
The window shutting up again.
The Grasping of the idea that everything is an illusion.
The Grasping of reality vs. expectations.
The Grasping of the idea of wanting to forget.
The Grasping of the idea of boredom.
The Grasping of the idea of repetitiveness.
The Grasping of the idea of distance.
The Grasping of the idea of transparency.
The fear of transparency.
The letting go.

The Grasping of the idea of the Touch, the Hold, and the Cling.
The Grasping of it all.

The Impossibility.
The Impossibility for now.

"That was hard for me to say, I hope I said it right. Whichever come what may, you see I need to know tonight."

GET MAD AND DO SOMETHING

"Lagi naman kaming binabaha. Sanay na kami."

"... sanay na kami." That is our enemy. Once we say that we're used to having the same problem over and over again, we distract ourselves from finding the right solution that'll stop all this. Once we get used to the same shit happening over and over again, we try to ignore the core of the problem completely making our resistance to the problem stronger heightening the problem even more and now we're in a vicious cycle blackhole that's growing bigger and bigger everytime calamities like this happen. WE HAVE TO STOP THIS SANAY-NA-KAMI MENTALITY and start attacking the heart of the problem. I say gather the people (which in this case wouldn't be that hard because everyone's already in all-ready evacuation centers) and aside from praying for everything to be better, EDUCATE the people why this is happening. Be mad! Because this CANNOT keep happening to us. WHERE IS GROWTH if our mentality is like this? EDUCATE. GET MAD AND EDUCATE. It's hard not to point fingers, but after doing that, DO SOMETHING. Don't stop at pointing your finger to others. Let it out then DO SOMETHING.

"Bumili na kami ng bangka. Ganito naman lagi 'pag malakas ang ulan."

SERIOUSLY? People actually think that buying boats and more life vests in times of calamities like this is the solution to the problem we've been having over and over again?? WE'RE SPENDING MONEY ON THE WRONG THINGS. This cannot keep happening. We cannot spend loads of our money on relief goods, rescue teams, BOATS (for crying out loud!), etc! I'm sure everyone's heard of "prevention is better than cure". Know the meaning, memorize, THEN APPLY.


I wanted to write about romanticizing the wrath of Mother Nature. Like how She is crying because we're doing such a shitty job taking care of Her. But no. What I think Mother Nature is doing is She's getting angry BECAUSE we're doing such a shitty job taking care of Her. Wherever did we get the idea that Mother Nature is a passive creature? That She would sulk because we're not doing our job. She's been trying to get our attention numerous times and now She's angry. She's showing us what She can do if we don't get our shit together. It's not even about how hard She lets the rain pour. She's testing how we can take what She can give us. She's testing if we'll actually do the right thing this time. She's testing if we have weapons for the battle. She's testing if we're ready. I say we fight. We fight for Her because to be honest, I wouldn't wanna piss Her off [again]. I wouldn't even try [again].

"Ganyan talaga ang mga Pinoy. Nakahahanap pa ng kasisiyahan sa gitna na kalamidad." - Filipino reporter

"It's so terrible. Why is the government like this in the Philippines?" - foreigner riding a pedicab on his way to the airport

"Kahit na binabaha, it's more fun in the Philippines!" (say that to the people who lost their loved ones due to Mother Nature's wrath)

[untitled]

It's one of those moments when a shitload of jelly comes out of my mouth instead of comforting words to make that person feel even just a tiny bit better. My brain shuts down for some reason and I mumble.

I'm sorry I don't know what to say. I'm sorry all you heard from that phone call was "fuck". [I'm sorry I curse a lot.] I hope I can take all the pain away. [Stupid cliche.] I can only imagine what you're going through right now. I wanna give you a hug so bad and it's not even because you need it. [Ugh, distance is such a bitch. I hope someone gives you tight one where you are right this second.] I just cannot think of anything else to do to be useful to you. I wanna be useful. What can I do?

It's also one of those moments when I like playing the hero. (a.k.a. when I make everything about me not about you; a.k.a. me being a selfish fucker) When I want to save everyone from sorrow. If I could turn all the pain into marshmallows I would. Just give all the shit to me so you won't have to put up with it. Put it in a jar and I'll steal it like that jar of cookies. Flaunt it in fucking Baclaran and I'll snatch it from you! Just give me the pain and I'll deal with it.

Obviously this is all bullshit because you can't do any of these. [Ugh, jelly.] I just pray to God to give you strength to deal with all this. I'm so sorry this happened. If it happened to me, I probably wouldn't even take your call. Anyone's call. [Thanks for taking mine. Thanks for not shutting me out.]

You will be okay. You will find out how to cope and you will do your best to do it because we will make you. Accept all the hands that will be given to you. Please don't shut us out.

For now, just be strong.

Putting All Eggs in One Basket

[Selects playlist. Shuffle. Go.]

(Now playing: Just a Little Bit by Maria Mena)
Just a little bit stronger. Just a little bit wiser. Just a little less needy. And maybe I'll get there.

I was carrying a dozen colored balloons. Pretty balloons. Full of air. Colorful. The sky got dark. It rained. It rained needles! All my balloons popped. All my pretty balloons. All my balloons full of air. All my colorful balloons.

[Next. Next. Next. Go.]

{Now playing: Always by Atlantic Star)
Come with me, my sweet. Let's go make a family.

Today, I met up with my friend who was pregnant with her first child. She was sleepy. She was ranting. She was tired. She told me all her husband did were hug her and tell her that everything will be ok. She smiled. She was ready to go to work.

[Next. Go.]

{Now playing: In Repair by John Mayer)
I'm in repair. I'm not together, but I'm getting there.

Tornado. A tornado entered my room. I know I invited you over, but I have to clean my room first. I'm putting the Do Not Disturb sign on my door. Please keep yourself comfortable outside. It's pretty messed up in here. It'll take time to clean all the shit up. Tornadoes.

(Now playing: Your Guardian Angel - Acoustic Version by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus)

[Listens for a while.]
[Next. Next. Go.]

(Now playing: I Can't Make You Love Me - Cover by Adele)
I will give up this fight.

[Sings along.]
[Go again.]

(Now playing: The First Cut Is the Deepest by Sheryl Crow)
I still want you by my side. Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried.

[Tries to harmonize.]
[Shuts up and focuses. Go again.]

Last night, I saw someone crossing the street in the rain without an umbrella. I was standing across him with an umbrella in my hand and my bag on the other. I was staring at him. I wanted to share my umbrella with him. The rain was pouring hard. I felt bad. Guilty. I was about to cross when the cars came fast in front of me. I stopped. It caught his attention. He was frowning. He was soaking wet. He was pissed off. I smiled. He forced a smile a back. It was all we could offer each other. The rain finally stopped.

[Next. Next. Next. Next. Oh.]

(Now playing: Tulog Na by Sugarfree)
Tulog na, mahal ko. Nandito lang akong bahala sa iyo. Sige na, tulog na muna. Tulog na, mahal ko. At baka bukas ngingiti ka sa wakas at sabay nating harapin ang mundo.

[Go.]

(Now playing: Honestly by Bethany Joy Galeotti)
I'm so glad you're far away. Is that a terrible thing to say? Well, I wonder if you're okay.

As I open my eyes in the morning... As I commute to work... In the middle of the meeting... As I do my actual work... As I commute home... As I have my dinner either alone or with my sister... As I hangout alone in my room... In rainy days... Whenever I'm lost... Whenever I see others... Whenever I hear the fucking song, "Cable Cars" by frickin' The Fray... Whenever my bag gets way too heavy... Whenever I watch a movie about love... Whenever I have a bad day... I hear you whisper. But I can't understand. You're way too far away. Perhaps in another continent. Please speak louder. Are you there? Do you still exist?

(Now playing: Last Flight Out by Plus One)
Although it's hard and scares me so, a life without you scares me more.

[Battery empty. Charge. End.]

Chloe the Clingy Monkey

Chloe the Clingy Monkey loves to cling to lamp posts. Not trees. Lamp posts. For some odd reason, she always fails to cling to trees. She may be allergic to the leaves of the tree, or the tree may be way too tall, or she may be way too short, or she just plainly fails to reach the tree. She tries and tries to reach the tall luscious trees but her leap is just not enough. So she decides to settle for the lamp posts. The lamp posts that are comfortable. The lamp posts that give her light but are cold in the middle of the night. The lamp posts that she loves to talk to but don't always respond. The lamp posts that pretend to shade her whenever it rains. The lamp posts that are good enough for now. She settles for them. For now.