Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Decisions (big ones) and Moments with Friends (little ones)


Last October, I found out I was gonna be an Octoberian. After the Econ 122 (HARDCORE financial economics course) scare, I actually thought I was gonna be an April 2012 baby. But I managed to maintain my Economics Weighted Average (EWA) so here I am. Though I don't have any proof yet that I already graduated (no diploma or TOR yet because of the damn slow-ass admin), I can give you my grades in all the 137++ units I took.

Finding out I was actually done with college was a blast at first. I was glad that all that hardwork actually paid off. All those here-comes-the-suns, pimples, readings, caffeine in my blood, scolds from my landlady, etc. It was done. That was it. But then when it was beginning to sink in, I started getting scared. I didn't think I was ready to face the world outside of school (I don't like calling it "real world" because wherever you are, that is your real world). College was my comfort zone. If I could get paid to be a perpetual student, I'd SO be! But reality slapped me in the face and reminded me that I belong in a Filipino family that expects its children to eventually provide for their parents and siblings once they start working. Don't get me wrong, I'm fine with that (a little). Heck, I wanna spoil my parents to death! And that's exactly why I got scared in the first place; because I was being pushed to execute everything that I have planned my entire school life. I'm now expected to make the right decisions because the decisions I make from now on are the ones that will matter. The ones that will help me execute those very ambiguous plans.

Decisions. Decisions. Decisions. Before, I could make them in a snap. Green or Blue? Green! (:p) Heels or flats? Flats! Jeans or leggings? Jeggings! Harry Potter or Twilight? You're stupid! There were moments when it was a little more complicated. Cellphone or laptop? hmm... Sleep or coffee right before an exam? hmm... To do thesis or drink with an old friend? hmmmm... (:p) Now, there is a whole new level of mutant complication in making decisions. To take a break first and just chill for a while or look for a job right away? To take that job that pays WAY less than your expected salary because you're after the experience or screw experience and bring me the moolahs?! Everything is moving too fast. The world is not even waiting for me to make my decisions. Maybe I'm the one who's moving too slow. If that's the case, then I MUST pick up the pace. It's very comforting to know that my parents are there to guide me with these decisions. I feel like I'm walking on a string blindfolded, and I'm glad my parents are there screaming which direction I should go to.

I must make big decisions from now on because whatever I come up with right now WILL matter in the long run. I must make do with that damn string and slowly lift that blindfold over my head until I can clearly see what's up ahead.

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On another note... I had my gradwar (:p) celebration last weekend. Of course there were booze (lots and lots of them), food (also lots and lots of them), and friends (just a few of them). [♪♫ These are a few of my favorite things. ♫♪] I wanted to spend a night with my close friends maybe for the last time (not an emo statement... just facing reality...). I wanted to do things that we always did before. Eat, drink, get drunk, laugh, make fun of others, make fun of each other, eat, drink, get drunk. I never really liked hosting an event or "party" but for these people, I would do a lot more. These people tolerated my corny jokes, my sudden emotional shifts, my opinions, my laziness, my grammar corrections, my foul comments, my judging self, ME. These people put up with me and the craziness I came with. I love these people to death. I say "I love you" way too many times, but this time, I really mean it. I do not understand how these people managed to let me in to their lives. I have trouble letting people in mine, but with them, it was as easy as blinking my eyes. It also happened that fast. In just one blink, these people became part of my routine. I hate to think that that was the last time I was going to see them. I'm still hopeful, but I will not expect. Destiny. :)

For now, I will hang on to the little moments these people left me with. The arguments we let pass because even if we know we're all smart, we are better friends with each other. That one night when I had no place to sleep in and you guys accompanied me in Jollibee. The "Why do you think WE SHOULD hire you?" moment. That one night we ate Isko-ramble and stayed at the track oval to chat. That time when we raided bookstores in different malls. Those times in Sarahs/Drews/Delish/Sefali. Sleep overs in my house. New Year's eve in MOA. The egg yolks sucked. And who in her right mind would give an Octoberian sunflower seeds because there are no sunflowers in UP for Octoberians? :) These crazy people make me even crazier. But in a very good and kinda high way. :p

I love you guys so much. And it's almost scary how I mean it. Will still wait on destiny to do its job. :)