The Yellow Light Means Slow Down Not Speed Up

I wish you could stop playing god so we could be great friends already.

I have probably showed you a buttload of affection before (or probably a shitload of NEED for your affection) that made you think I was madly in love with you, but to be honest, I just sought the attention (and the affection). Man, did I like the affection. The last intense affection I received was 6 years ago so forgive me for wanting it so bad. I liked being noticed by you because it meant that I was important. You showered me with sweetness (and again affection), and yes, I loved every drop of it. But that one time, when we sealed the night with something that I thought was such a bad idea the minute I thought of it, I didn't feel anything. Anything that would turn the question marks above my head into lightbulbs. I won't deny that I wasn't expecting to feel something, but when I didn't feel it, I knew that it meant we should just stay friends, and I was more than ok with that. But then you started being weird. You started thinking too much to the point that you were going 100 km/hr when I was only going 60.

I'd like to think that we are good friends. I actually BELIEVE that we are. You're the only person who I can ask subjective questions to and have a straight answer without unnecessary sugar-coating. You're probably the smartest person I know apart from my dad. And I liked how you pushed me to be happy when I wanted the world to be sad with me.

I just frickin' wish you could stop thinking for just a frickin' while. I wish you could see that yellow light lit ever so brightly approaching a red one. I don't feel those things that you think I feel towards you so you could just put the damn wall down and let me in. You need not be in tippy-toes when you're with me. Just be that bestfriend again that I can eternally be shallow with and not have any care about what other people thought. Be that bestfriend that I loved so much.

...Because, to be honest, I miss you like hell.

Destinies, Expectations, Hopes, Mathematics, and Physics

Destiny, what the hell did I ever do to you? Why are you fucking with me? You know that feeling when you're looking forward to something real bad and then it doesn't happen? It's like committing suicide and ending up alive in a hospital. It's like drinking from a glass of what you thought was milk, but is actually water. It's like speeding up on a street expecting lots of speed bumps, but it turns out there are none. Doesn't it feel like crap? To avoid these shit, people came up with "Expect the unexpected." But those people don't know that every human being still expect the expected. We cannot avoid it. We can only modify it. And this is why smart people came up with "Expect the worst, and hope for the best." Yes, these people are smart, but they are not compassionate. They don't know how hard it is to expect the worst out of something. They don't know how easy it is to lose hope and still expect the worst.

Yes, expecting the worst and hoping for the best work. But it's hard to apply in real life. Just like Mathematics and Physics.

PS: Sorry, Destiny, for trying to question your plans. But please make me happy just this once. Please...

Fingers and KFC

Spoon and fork. Fries and ketchup. Pen and paper. Socks and feet. Salt and pepper. Cereals and milk. Architects and engineer. Cookies and cream. Bed and pillow. Winnie and a jar of honey. Tik and tok. Shooting stars and wishes. Night and day. Earth and sun. Ben and Jerry.  Friends and laughter. Friends and company. Friends and love. Friends and sadness. Friends and sleepovers. Friends and anger. Friends and tears. Friends and food. Friends and booze.

Remove the other one and there will be no balance, no functionality, and no equilibirum. One can't be complete without the other. One might survive without the other, but will still and forever remain incomplete.

Things don't need to be overthought. It is just as it is. A friend is a friend. You feel that THING when a bond is made between you and another person. I felt it. And I hope you felt it too.