5 Firsts on My Fifth

Two weeks ago, we journeyed to the Land of the Rising Sun. It was my fifth time to Japan and there was still a lot of room for firsts.

My mom studied in Japan for 2 years almost right after giving birth to me. She loved it there so much even if she had to hustle away from her awesome newborn. :) When she came back, she promised to bring me there one day and spoil the crap out of me to make up for her time away from me. That she did (even if she didn't have to, honestly).

She's awesome.

We usually go the touristy places over there:

1. Disneyland and Disneysea (Do not skip Tokyo Disneyland. I repeat, DO NOT SKIP TOKYO DISNEYLAND! It's Disneyland only or Disneyland and Disneysea - 2 days!)
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

   

        

2. Asakusa (ala Mercato or Night Market)
   
   
   

   

        

3. Akihabara (FAVORITE PLACE IN JAPAN EVARR because #ShoppingForAwesomelyWeirdJapanElectronics)

   

        

4. Tokyo tour (Shinjuku, Shibuya, Ginza) for more shopping and eating
   
   
   
   
   
   

   

        
5. Just about everywhere with FOOD!!!
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

This year, we added a few firsts and here they are:

1.  Maid Cafe in Akihabara

Mom usually likes to shop for watches and bags in Laox. It's a 7-floor shopping building and right across I saw a Maid Cafe. I dragged my parents to try and have lunch there instead of going to our favorite place, Denny's.

We couldn't take pictures inside, but...

 

Honest opinion: It was... ok. 

I probably should have done a bit of research on the prices because once you enter, they will tell you that there's an entrance fee of ¥500 each (about PhP220). And that's only for an hour. You have to pay again when you exceed. Food was limited and expensive and when you wanna take photos with the maids, they will charge another ¥500. 

There were dance and game shows inside which was fun to watch. But we were hungry so we really couldn't enjoy them. The maids were cute though. 

Mom got pissed off because it was taking a long time for them to serve the food. #HANGRY (I think they did that so we would extend our stay and pay the extra ¥500. But it's Japan, the Land of the Honest People, so I don't know.) Once they were served though, it was worth it (a bit)...

The barbecue-sauce cat is drawn on the plate once they serve it on your table. Kawaii deshou?

Overall, I enjoyed our 1 hour in the Maid Cafe. I don't think my parents can say the same thing though since dancing Japanese maids may not be their thing. I suggest stopping over there AFTER lunch. Have some dessert and coffee, then yell out "nyan nyan" (their version of "meow meow") to get the attention of the maids if you want something (seriously, we had to do that).

2.  Space [f*ckin'] Mountain

Nuff said.

3. Mt. Fuji

It was so breathtaking. From the car, it looked like a painting on the sky...  

My mom told me that the Japanese really think highly and respect Mt. Fuji that sometimes they call it Fuji-san. They treat the mountain as a living person.

Another thing that made this trip to Mt. Fuji awesome was the snow at the Fourth Step/Station.

First time to experience snow!!! *sings Let It Go*

4.  Sakura EVERYWHERE

Ohh, we were really blessed that we came just in time for Sakura season (spring). Sakuras were everywhere and JUST starting to fall. It was amazing.

I was surprised to see the Japanese also taking pictures and truly enjoying the weather just like all the gaijins (foreigners) around. I asked my mom why that is. I assumed they were used to seeing this beautiful thing every year so why were they celebrating. My mom's Japanese friend told us how the Japanese perceive the Sakura season and the story is hauntingly beautiful.

She said the Japanese long to see the Sakuras bloom because it means that the dreadful winter is over. For 5 months, the weather becomes excruciatingly cold and when they see Sakuras, it is finally the end of their suffering.

Sakuras also symbolize how the Japanese perceive life. The Sakuras bloom and they are celebrated. It's calming and exquisite. But after a couple of weeks, once the Sakuras know they have already exhausted their delicate beauty, they slowly let go of the stems and leave the trees empty and lifeless. My mom's Japanese friend said, "It's like they're committing suicide." Harakiri, she said.

She said that the Japanese are hardworkers. Work is their life. Without work or anything to be proud of, life is meaningless to them. When this happens or when they're too weak to do anything anymore, it is acceptable, even preferable, to end their own life. Because for them, being useless and a burden to someone is not an option.

I never thought a flower can be perceived as a celebration of life and death. (Uhh, this is why I love Haruki Murakami.)

5.  [Legit] Sushi and Kimono Tour at Shizuoka

We went to the my mom's friend's house which is in the province. We had to take a bullet train (Shinkansen) to get there. Her house was enormous and peaceful.

She showed us around and fed us with legit sushi in a legit sushi house. Just reminscing about it now is making my mouth water...

It was prepared right in front of us so we could see how fresh all the ingredients were. My mom's friend taught us how to properly dip sushi in soy sauce. You should dip the fish not the rice so you flip it to the the fish side, dip, then slide towards you.

There was lobster, scallop, eel, sea urchin,etc.! I wasn't a fan of the sea urchin because it was slimy, but the others, I had no problem devouring. The plate may look like you won't be able to finish it in one sitting, but trust me... you can do all things in the name of sushi.

One more thing that my mom's friend made us do is to walk around a "village" wearing kimonos.

It was such a cool experience because you get to choose which colors you want and the fancier the better. They said a woman wearing a kimono should not open her legs or walk fast. Maybe that's why the slippers/sandals were so uncomfortable and the kimonos are so tight. My mom's friend told me to walk in small steps. I didn't have a choice but to do just that since kimonos are wound to your body multiple times, limiting your movements.

It was such a nice experience though because somehow, we were able to immerse ourselves to the amazingly rich tradition and culture of the Japanese. I hope the Japanese people preserve them forever.

5.1.  Onsen (Hot Spring)

When we were at my mom's friend's province, we stayed at a hotel with an Onsen. It wasn't really my first time going to an Onsen, but it was my first to go at night and have the place to ourselves.

This is an example of Japan's public bath area. People go in naked, shower, dip their naked selves in the 40℃ volcanic water, meditate a bit and let all their anxieties melt together with their dead skins. Uhh, I loved it. Right after we bathed in the Onsen, we had a foot massage, and slept like babies. That's. How. It's. Done. Goodnight.

We had such an awesome time during our trip. Mom promised that next time, we may finally go to Kyoto and see them temples! I can't wait for my next firsts in the Land of the Rising Sun!

A Peek of the Future Last Friday...

Last Friday, I finally got my diploma! After putting off claiming it for the past 4 years, I finally got it!

YEAH!

Two weeks ago I decided to go to graduate school. I wanna study Behavioral Economics or Social/Cognitive Psychology. Finally claiming my diploma legitimized my intent to go back to school. I've been in the zone reading books, articles, research papers, etc. to prepare my rusty brain. I CANNOT WAIT.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm really scared to go back to school. But it feels like I'm making the right decision because I'm experiencing calm anxiety. That means it's really important to me or that I really want it, and I'm ready. Finally having my diploma in my hands gave me nice and soothing palpitations.

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Last Friday, I got invited to watch a movie with friends. Only it wasn’t just “watching a movie” I was invited to. I would also be watching 2 of my closest friends get engaged!

#AnnaSaidYes

Uhh, it was so awesome! It was nice seeing highschool friends and witnessing the proposal together. It brought back all the memories and how they all make sense now.

Apart from the proposal, the most important thing that happened that night, for me, was being reunited with one of my best friends in highschool. When you have a peek of the future, you let go of what’s unnecessary and hold on to what’s important. That’s exactly what happened. I finally let go of the pride and the shit that comes with it, and held on to the friendship and the person. I’m so excited now to experience a better future together!

Congratulations, Anna and Chris!!!

While wiping off my tears after the proposal, I couldn’t help but think, “Kailangan payat na ako sa wedding!”

Cheers to the future! :)

Hangovers and Makulay na Daster

Things that happen after reading a Murakami or Kundera book, watching a Pixar film that poses as "for kids", or going to a gig of your childhood-favorite band... while drinking cocktails and 3 bottles of beer.

"Kay bilis kasi ng buhay, pati tayo natangay."

Ebe Dancel had a small gig in 12 Monkeys. He promised to play all Sugarfree songs. SUGAR [F*CKING] FREE.

The last time I watched Sugarfree play was the night they disbanded. And as if the sky knew what was happening, it rained pretty hard. I remember it clearly because while I was soaking wet jumping up and down, I stepped on shards of broken beer bottles. With my bleeding foot, I continued to sing along because... SUGAR [F*CKING] FREE.

I can't remember watching my first ever Sugarfree gig. I do remember following them around with my bestfriend when I was in highschool. We used to make Ebe, Jal, Mitch/Kaka sign our [very cool] phone cases...

because we honestly didn't have enough money to buy their actual album and have them sign it.

I remember how their songs spoke to me when I was going through things (a.k.a. puberty). I remember listening to all of them thinking, "P*cha, ako ba kausap mo? Sapul eh."

(FUN FACT: My favorite song is Cuida.)

And that's why I didn't care that I stood for 3 hours at 12 Monkeys that night. I didn't care that I was singing out loud while people on their prestigious tables were staring. "Kung pag-aari ko lang ang lumbay, itatago ko siya habang buhay." I mean... SUGAR [F*CKING] FREE!

And then I received a text from my sister...

At around Ebe's 5th song, I found out my grandmother (on my dad's side) passed away. She was gonna be 91 years old yesterday.

I immediately thought of my dad. Mama had been sick for months. She's in the States. Last February, my auntie asked my dad to visit them there. "Para makita mo naman one last time," she said. My dad went there alone to check up on her. He stayed at the hospital with her for a week. The last thing he said was, "Ma, aalis na ako bukas ah. I love you," then kissed her on the forehead.

Goodbyes are very important no matter how difficult they are to say.

My auntie called the other night. She's the one arranging everything for the wake. She was telling my dad that she had no idea where to put all of Mama's stuff. She had a lot of clothes that no one wanted. I remember seeing her in her colorful dasters all the time. Her pajamas and church clothes are the best because they had to match. They had to be made using the same fabric. It was so funny and adorable.

Makulay na dasters and terno clothes. That's how I'll always remember how awesome she was.

Rest in peace, Mama. Have fun with Ang Kong!

(So please forgive me if I turned down any lunch/dinner invite. It's a bed/blanket-burrito weekend for me I'm afraid.)

Morning/Night Pages 082015

In the middle of August, I read something online about this thing called "Morning Pages". The rule is to write 3 pages every morning about anything under the sun. It doesn't have to be good. You don't even have to read it. Its goal is to eliminate what's blocking your creativity. What's blocking what you actually want to write. It gets rid of your word vomit so creativity can come out and slap itself on paper.

I started in the middle of August. Since it's now the 31st, I decided to read my word vomits for the latter half of August. I wasn't writing every single day (and I usually write every night) so I only had 16 pages to read.

I noticed that in between all the mess (word vomit), there were parts that really made a lot of sense. There were parts that rose above all the shit. There were parts that really hit home.


08-11:
My shit didn't seem as shitty as their shit. My shit didn't even seem like legit shit.

The person causing the problem, I thought, was also the cure for how horrible I was feeling.

08-12: 
...That day felt like his day. It was like he was controlling the course of my day.

I woke up the next day feeling all fucked up. Fucked up but wanting to continue the dream still because sometimes, I'd rather endure hell knowing that he'll be there with me.

08-13:
I always think about him whenever my world stops. Whenever I do the most boring and empty things in my life.

And it kinda slapped me in the face because while I'm forgetting about him, he's also forgetting about me.

And whenever you're breaking a person's heart, I've learned, you have to be cruel.

08-14:
I think at the end of the day, you just gotta love what you decide to do for the rest of your life.

08-15:
There's this birthday card that had resurfaced my desk because Tita Evelyn cleaned it... I actually don't know why I didn't send it... For some reason, I just didn't feel like it.

08-17:
...when your heart breaks, it also breaks your self-worth. It brings you down and crushes your confidence.

08-19:
I was just afraid he'd message me or something. We're doing too well for either of us to contact the other. Glad he didn't. Kinda...

08-31:
I hate surprises. I hate him just popping without notice.

When will the pain stop?! When will time kick in and start doing its job?

Whatever happened between us already makes sense to him. He already learned something from what happened. I'm still working on my lesson to learn from all this shit.


I'm now looking forward to making this a habit this September. Things that come out of these Morning/Night Pages are very interesting. By writing and reading them, I'm getting to know myself bit by bit. It's a start in piecing my self-worth back together. It's a start towards loving myself again.

And I promise I will have different topics to write about this time.

New Year Goggles and Goals

Before I make crazy promises and impossible resolutions while wearing my New Year goggles, I wanna give the spotlight to 2014 first. Since my brain and sight have been compromised because of these damn goggles, I have squeezed what I learned in 365 days in just 5 categories. And here they are:

MONEY

I'm awesome when it comes to not spending a lot of money. I love budgeting and saving. (I have an Excel file to prove it if you don't believe me.) BUT, 2014 taught me that I'm not really THAT awesome.

Now that I have a stable income, one would think that I'll be able to save a whole lot with me bragging about my budgeting talents. But no! There aren't enough Forever 21s, Payless shoe stores, Starbucks, and Chinese restaurants out there to fulfill my desires.

2014 made me realize that having money means having more choices/opportunities. Having less of these, limits how you live your life. This is why I work my ass off because I love having a wide selection of things I can spend my money on. Whoever said "Money doesn't give you happiness," probably didn't have much to figure out how to use it properly.

I also love the fact that in 2014, I was able to help my parents with expenses at home. I believe this is my greatest achievement in 2014. Whenever I see the look on my mom's face when I give her my contribution for the house, it makes all the hardwork worth it. It feels really good to be the one helping them out this time. I'm not the breadwinner or anything, but it just feels good to have a major role/responsibility in our home. It makes me feel... included.

Money will enable your future self to live comfortably. (Given, of course, that you live a little uncomfortably now.) "Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer?" "Because it feels so good when I stop."

CAREER

January 2014, I quit my first job ever. I was given an amazing opportunity to see my future in that company and unfortunately, I didn't like it. It sucked that I didn't because I was having so much fun. Fun doesn't equal fulfillment/success though.

After I quit, I immediately revamped my resume. The problem was, I didn't know what I wanted. Research? Marketing? Advertising? Media? Publishing? Wedding singing? It was overwhelming. Then I hear my parents offering me a position in our family business. That confused me even more. I stopped sending out resumes all together.

I asked the Universe for a sign. "Please please show me my successful self in the future so I can make the right decision NOW!" And lo and behold, the Universe gave me a call. A company was looking for a Sales Trainer, immediate hiring. I had no other leads so I went to the first interview. To cut the story short, February 2014, I became a Sales Trainer. March 2014, I received my first pay.

I'm no Jordan Belfort or anything, but trainer! Training! When I was young, I would always enjoy being a little know-it-all and tutor my classmates who are having trouble in school. I loved explaining Math using animals and food. I loved making the complicated simple. I loved imparting knowledge! But I never thought of it as a career though.

I'll be forever grateful to 2014 because it showed me my path. I love training. I love teaching. I love explaining complicated financial concepts/terms to my trainees and switch their light bulbs on. Oh how I love seeing their light bulbs turn on!

2014 taught me that there's absolutely no pressure in finding out what you wanna do in life. Time is your bestfriend. Maximize it. Just make sure you don't stop until you find that one thing you wanna wake up for for the rest of your life.

LOVE

2014 taught me a lot about TRUE love. How it's not unconditional and it should exist between a giver and a receiver. If the receiver doesn't want the love the giver gave, then it's not TRUE love. Which means, unrequited love is not TRUE love. (Doesn't make it not real though.) It's probably in the Selfish or Unconditional love category. I have no idea if this is TRUE love's real meaning, but this is what makes sense based on my experience.

This 2014, I gave what seemed to be some kind of mutant version of "true" love to someone. (Which obviously was not true love in the first place. It being in its mutant state and all.) It went well at first because it seemed like he felt the same way. See, there were 2 versions of him: the real tangible one and the imagined intangible one that only exists in my head. I'm talking about the latter, of course. When it dawned on me that he actually didn't feel the same way, I was forced to meet the real tangible version of him.

The problem was, I was still hung up with the idea of my mutant "true" love that I had no motivation to shake the real tangible him's hand and introduce myself. I shut down and became a blackhole. I have lived in my imagination long enough that it was hard to snap back to reality.

Thanks to my friends who slapped and dragged me back to life, I was finally able to introduce myself to the real him. And... It wasn't that bad. It wasn't that bad at all.

I made 2014 all about that damn blackhole. In 2015, I'm making it about the twinkly stars around me. And when I say twinkly stars, I mean my friends.

FRIENDS

"Falling is a chance you give you friends to catch you." As I said, in 2014, I was in a blackhole. I got pushed over the edge and fell. I closed my eyes as I was falling and I expected to hit the ground pretty hard. I was surprised when I suddenly stopped falling. I opened my eyes and saw my friends there, all lined up to cushion my fall.

Selfish-me always thought that I was just a dumpee for all my friends' problems. That when it was my turn to be the dumper, they wouldn't be patient enough to be there for me and listen. 2014 proved me wrong. I gave my friends a lot of shit and they were there to deal with them all. And I will seriously forever be grateful.

I'm guilty of sometimes taking my friends for granted. 2014 made me realize that my friends are an integral part of my life. I've learned that life isn't like Friends or How I Met Your Mother where you can have coffee or beer at 2 in the afternoon with your friends every single day. It doesn't matter if we don't see each other all the time. Distance is nothing when you are committed to someone.

My friends are my gossip girls, slaps in my face, emergency contact people, coffee buddies, random trip/sleepover buddies, sisters, 3-hour phone pals at 3am, ETC! And I'll be the same things for them in a heart beat.

SELF

2014 served as a transition year from my childish, immature self to my... NOT SO childish, immature self. Maybe it's 'cause I turned 25 this 2014. I experienced changes in my taste of movies, books, food, coffee, etc. I found myself drinking tea, eating pineapples, reading 1984 (by George frickin' Orwell!), and watching Annie Hall. I got to know myself better and I believe that's one step towards self-worth.

Having gone through all these changes, 2014 also made me realize that some things never change. Some awesome things about me can stay unchanged while I grow. Like wearing colorful clothes (pink and green! #watermelonfeels), drinking coffee at 11pm (drinking coffee any time of day actually), hating kids but secretly loving them, singing randomly whenever I feel like it, and faking it until I make it (which REALLY works by the way).

Another breakthrough this 2014 is I actually felt more comfortable with myself. And with that comfort came a small amount of confidence. I was confident enough to sing in front of people in a wedding for crying out loud! IN A WEDDING! (I've always wanted to be a wedding singer!) Having confidence is something new to me. It feels nice. I think I'm gonna have more of it in 2015.

2014 was all about first steps of knowing and loving myself. First steps to self-worth. 2015 will not be about steps. It will be about soaring.

Having realized and learned all these things in 2014, my #2015goals are as follows:

1. Have short and long term savings. Short term for travel, emergencies, SCUBA license! Long term for condo!

2. Be an awesome trainer and have more patience with trainees. Follow dreams of becoming a motivational speaker (TED talk levels!)! Inspire and influence people!

3. Don't wait for those damn flowers from someone! Get some seeds, plant some and wait. Or just buy them yourself!

4. Pour out excessive, overwhelming love to friends! Do stuff for them they actually need. Make making your friends happy your priority!

5. Love self more by eating healthy (more pineapples and teas), exercising (Ayala Triangle, baby!), wearing earrings and heels to work (more confidence in 2015!), and sharing singing talent with other humans (preferably in weddings)!

Have an awesome new year, everyone! Let's soar this 2015 and kick 2014's ass! :)

Old ID, elevator, vendo machine, and magnets

Yesterday, I went to my previous work's office. Upon entering the building, I felt some kind of familiarity. A sense of belongingness. A routine. I quickly showed my [old] work ID so I would be permitted to go inside. Then I was off to the elevator without letting the guards check my bag. (Got used to just going inside buildings due to the nature of my [previous] work.) I was a bit nervous. The only reason why I was going back there was because I had to sign necessary papers to make my leaving the company official.

Elevator doors opened to the floor of the office and I tiptoed on the way. I immediately saw one of the people from the administration team, and suddenly my heart jumped. Mixed feelings started flowing thru my body. I thought to myself why I was feeling THAT nervous. I left on a good note (I think... I thought.) so I had to relax. I opened the door and she just called my name right away, surprised to see me. I said hi and she gave me the papers to sign.

One by one, I saw the people that I used to come across with every single day for the past one year and a half not even knowing some of their names. Those people I knew, I was reluctant to give hugs to. I didn't know if I was allowed to. But those who I became close with, I couldn't help giving them tight ones. I looked around and it felt a bit like home, but I didn't belong there anymore. It felt like I was just an alumna visiting my alma mater.

I'd be forever grateful once belonging to this company. I DEFINITELY wouldn't be who I am today if I took the other job that was offered to me almost two years ago. Working in this company ruined my perspective with other companies out there. I feel like I have to compare the "others" to the standards of this company. Yes, there were enormous challenges, but once you get (which took me three months to do so) what the business was all about, you'd be willing to overcome them with no problems and complaints.

I stayed in the lobby for a while before leaving. I wanted to soak all the air in for the last time. I'll DEFINITELY miss the office, the chaos in the training area, the people, the big boss, and the frickin' vendo machine! My one-and-a-half-year stay in this company topped my twelve-year schooling when it comes to important skills to learn in life. Every single day, I felt my brain being fed more and more knowledge and wisdom. And apparently, along the way, it sort of got full that I wanted to see if there were things outside this company that may broaden my views in life even more. I got addicted to being curious. To maximizing opportunities. That was the main reason why I left.

Moving forward, I walk with my head up high carrying with me all the skills that I have developed to do even greater things. Again, I will be forever grateful to this company. It gave me confidence to follow my dreams. That if you want something SO bad, reaching for it is not enough. You have to jump and risk falling face down. And that's exactly what I'm gonna do now.

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Last week, an old friend texted for a meet-up with our old barkada (some of us, anyway). Unfortunately, we couldn't all make it due to the short notice. We ended up having it scheduled for last night instead.

Meeting up with the people you spent junior and senior proms with, 18th birthdays with, hours and hours on the phone with, heartbreaks with, laughing out loud with, time fighting with, and half of your life drinking with is just pure bliss. Suddenly, those things that bothered all of you about each other started appearing one by one and instead of being annoyed, you just laughed it off because you have limited time together. You just wanna enjoy every second of it.

Even if we only see each other once every six months maybe, we immediately jive. No awkward silences whatsoever. No need to be careful with harsh words. No need to walk on eggshells. Once we're all together, immediately, we go back to those moments in the cadlum area (canteen) just talking non-stop about anything under the sun. Anything that we're really passionate about. That's what I love about our barkada. Even if there are some misunderstandings or problems between us, we manage to go back to that moment wherein we just didn't care about the people around us and just did whatever it was that felt right at that certain moment.

It seems like we have built-in magnets inside us that somehow will eventually bring us all together again and again. And when we're all far away from each other, we have that distant longing between us. That longing to be together even if we belong in different poles. That longing that even if we don't feel, will only take one magnet to bring all (some) of us together. Again and again. Same place (anywhere), same time (anytime).