Tuesday, February 11, 2014

The Dance

I dance but I don't know how.
I step my left foot then my right,
Move my hips then my hands.
That familiar tune I always dance to.
On my own with my eyes closed,
I dance.

You joined me in my trance.
Closed eyes, I didn't notice.
When I opened them, there you were,
Dancing in front of me.

You held out your hand.
I stared at it, confused.
I took it.
My hand fit it in yours perfectly.
We became one.
Oh, what harmony!

We danced and we danced.
You showed me some moves.
I tried some, some I couldn't do.
I didn't wanna stop dancing.
I forgot the feeling,
The feeling of dancing by myself.

One day,
You changed the tune.
Then she came.
She joined us.
You gave your other hand to her.
Oh, she's beautiful.
She's beautiful when she dances.
The grace, the flow, the beauty!

Your hand still in mine.
Her hand in yours.
Then we would all dance.
We would dance to your tune.

You would look into my eyes,
And everything would make sense.
Then you would look into hers,
I would get lost in the rhythm.

There'd be times I'd get dizzy,
But you would hold on to me.
You would hold on to me tight.
It feels like you will never let go.
So I don't.
Oh, the ecstasy!

Sometimes, it would get crowded.
Crowded where we used to dance,
Dance, just the two of us.
Oh, how I want to just dance with you,
Holding both of my hands,
Instead of just one.

Sometimes, I just wanna change the tune,
Or turn it off all together,
But I love the way you hold my hand,
Tight as we dance.
And the way you smile,
When you watch her dance.

One day, I will learn,
How to dance just like her.
But before that, I have to let go.
Let go of your hand,
That is tight around mine.

I hope when I come back,
You'd be standing by the jukebox,
Alone, waiting for me.
Waiting for me to have our first last dance.

Monday, February 10, 2014

vicarious pleasures

She went outside to smoke while her friends get hit on inside the bar. Her friends wear provocative clothing and pretend to be annoyed by the lame guys buzzing around them. The truth is, they're desperate for the attention.

"Can I have a light?"

"Uh, yeah."

She wanted to be left alone. The whole talking-to-a-stranger is weird to her.

"So girl's night out tonight?"

"Uh, something like that. One of my friends got promoted. We're kinda celebrating."

"You don't like celebrations?" he said while attempting to make rings with his smoke.

"Uh, no, I just needed some air. It's getting hot in there."

"Hence the smoking."

"Yeah," she said with a forced laugh.

She wanted to finish smoking and go back inside, but she remembered what all her friends were doing. She just wanted to go home and take a nice long bath.

-----

After meeting at the exhibit of her friend...

"C'mon just a cup of coffee."

She thinks about it for a while. She thinks of possible excuses.

"Fine. I have to stay awake for the commute home anyway."

He ordered hot coffee, she ordered iced.

She looks at the cup.

"So, it's Ron."

"Yeah, and yours?"

"Cece."

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Old ID, elevator, vendo machine, and magnets

Yesterday, I went to my previous work's office. Upon entering the building, I felt some kind of familiarity. A sense of belongingness. A routine. I quickly showed my [old] work ID so I would be permitted to go inside. Then I was off to the elevator without letting the guards check my bag. (Got used to just going inside buildings due to the nature of my [previous] work.) I was a bit nervous. The only reason why I was going back there was because I had to sign necessary papers to make my leaving the company official.

Elevator doors opened to the floor of the office and I tiptoed on the way. I immediately saw one of the people from the administration team, and suddenly my heart jumped. Mixed feelings started flowing thru my body. I thought to myself why I was feeling THAT nervous. I left on a good note (I think... I thought.) so I had to relax. I opened the door and she just called my name right away, surprised to see me. I said hi and she gave me the papers to sign.

One by one, I saw the people that I used to come across with every single day for the past one year and a half not even knowing some of their names. Those people I knew, I was reluctant to give hugs to. I didn't know if I was allowed to. But those who I became close with, I couldn't help giving them tight ones. I looked around and it felt a bit like home, but I didn't belong there anymore. It felt like I was just an alumna visiting my alma mater.

I'd be forever grateful once belonging to this company. I DEFINITELY wouldn't be who I am today if I took the other job that was offered to me almost two years ago. Working in this company ruined my perspective with other companies out there. I feel like I have to compare the "others" to the standards of this company. Yes, there were enormous challenges, but once you get (which took me three months to do so) what the business was all about, you'd be willing to overcome them with no problems and complaints.

I stayed in the lobby for a while before leaving. I wanted to soak all the air in for the last time. I'll DEFINITELY miss the office, the chaos in the training area, the people, the big boss, and the frickin' vendo machine! My one-and-a-half-year stay in this company topped my twelve-year schooling when it comes to important skills to learn in life. Every single day, I felt my brain being fed more and more knowledge and wisdom. And apparently, along the way, it sort of got full that I wanted to see if there were things outside this company that may broaden my views in life even more. I got addicted to being curious. To maximizing opportunities. That was the main reason why I left.

Moving forward, I walk with my head up high carrying with me all the skills that I have developed to do even greater things. Again, I will be forever grateful to this company. It gave me confidence to follow my dreams. That if you want something SO bad, reaching for it is not enough. You have to jump and risk falling face down. And that's exactly what I'm gonna do now.

-----

Last week, an old friend texted for a meet-up with our old barkada (some of us, anyway). Unfortunately, we couldn't all make it due to the short notice. We ended up having it scheduled for last night instead.

Meeting up with the people you spent junior and senior proms with, 18th birthdays with, hours and hours on the phone with, heartbreaks with, laughing out loud with, time fighting with, and half of your life drinking with is just pure bliss. Suddenly, those things that bothered all of you about each other started appearing one by one and instead of being annoyed, you just laughed it off because you have limited time together. You just wanna enjoy every second of it.

Even if we only see each other once every six months maybe, we immediately jive. No awkward silences whatsoever. No need to be careful with harsh words. No need to walk on eggshells. Once we're all together, immediately, we go back to those moments in the cadlum area (canteen) just talking non-stop about anything under the sun. Anything that we're really passionate about. That's what I love about our barkada. Even if there are some misunderstandings or problems between us, we manage to go back to that moment wherein we just didn't care about the people around us and just did whatever it was that felt right at that certain moment.

It seems like we have built-in magnets inside us that somehow will eventually bring us all together again and again. And when we're all far away from each other, we have that distant longing between us. That longing to be together even if we belong in different poles. That longing that even if we don't feel, will only take one magnet to bring all (some) of us together. Again and again. Same place (anywhere), same time (anytime).