Last Straw: You Just Sat on the Camel

I received a text message from a friend this morning. The message didn't quite sink in to me because I just woke up and my head was still a bit woozy (I slept at 4am in the morning. Bum life rocks!). It sunk in to me when I was in the bathroom. All my blood immediately went to my head and it felt like it was going to explode. I needed to stay in the shower a bit longer.

Saying that you don't care about someone's opinion of you is EXACTLY the same as saying you don't care about the person. The person and his/her opinion ARE NOT mutually exclusive so you can NEVER separate them from one another. This implies then that all those times that we spent with each other were just pretend. Plastic-an lang pala ang lahat.

I had this close friend before. We had an enormous misunderstanding on something that was very petty (from my point of view, anyway). That petty thing caused us our friendship. At first, I was annoyed because it seemed easy for him not to be friends with me anymore. I tried reaching out to him, but it felt like I just kept banging my head on the wall over and over again. I felt bad that I gave up. Eventually, I felt bad that I didn't care about him anymore. My head was hurting already so I had to stop the banging. I have missed this friend since then. I miss him hanging out in my house. I miss all the drama he piled up on me. I miss his company. I miss his advices. I miss his concern. I miss his presence. Recently, I have been having the same feelings with this [ex-] friend who apparently didn't care about us all along.

[Hindi ko alam kung masasaktan ako o magagalit sa sinabi mo. Masakit na sinabi mong wala kang pakialam sa tingin namin sa 'yo. Ibig  sabihin no'n wala kang pake sa 'min. So ano pala ung mga pinaggagagawa natin dati? Plastikan lang pala un? And parang hindi mo pa rin gets ung mga ginawa mong mali. Sige, bulag-bulagan (tanga-tangahan) nalang. Sinabi ko sa bestfriend ko (na friend mo pa rin hanggang ngayon) nung isang araw na namimiss kita. Sinabi ko na kahit na ganun ung pinaggagagawa mo, namimiss ko pa rin ung dati. Ngayong summer, nagbasa ako ng old messages sa phone. Nakita ko ung mga text mo. Mas lalo pa kitang na-miss. Tapos biglang narinig ko 'to. This was the last straw. Ayoko nang bigyan ka ng importansya. Nagalit ako at nasaktan ako. Alam mo naman kung paano ko tintreasure ang mga kaibigan ko tapos biglang ganito. Alam mo naman ung mga nangyaring paga-unfriend dati diba? Hindi ko pa close un ah at nasaktan na 'kong malupet. Sa 'yo pa kaya. Pero ngayon, masyado mo na kaming tinutulak palayo kaya wala na 'kong mapaglalaanang importansya pa para sa 'yo. Hindi ko maiiwasan ang pag-miss sa mga pilit kong kinakalimutang mga kaibigan. Pero sa sinabi mong 'to mukhang magiging posible atang magawa ko 'yon.]