PS: When I'm pissed off, just shut up 'cause I'm singing in my head.

When I woke up this morning, I felt the good vibes flowing in me. I slept for 12 hours [after a loooongg day of ushering students from grades 5 and 6 to attend an environmental lecture] and I felt like I was in heaven. I had no morning classes so that was a ginormous plus. I was so ready to have the most perfect day ever. I went to the library to meet up with my thesis partner and distribute tasks. After that, I had the most boring class EVER then I went to our organization's tambayan to meet up with friends and make my perfect day even more perfect.

The minute I opened the tambayan door, I saw an old friend. One scream did not do justice to how excited I was to see her. I hugged her real tight and immediately caught up with what was up with her life. We haven't seen each other for a little less than a year. We talked about law school, guys, gays, love lives, dead ends and grocery stores. Random things could not escape our conversation. It was real nice to see her. It was always a merry-go-round ride everytime I talk to her. It was always smooth and flowy and it feels like it will go on forever.

Eventually, she had to leave so it was just me and my other close friend in the tambayan. We talked about issues of people around us. She talked to me about one of my closest (best) friends in the organization and the shit that that person has been going through lately. I felt like such a bad "best" (the necessity for quotation marks will be explained later) friend because even if I knew all these things about him, I didn't have the push to bring it up whenever that person is around.

I don't know how to ask a person about his/her problems. I always feel awkward because I, myself, don't like being asked about my shit in life so I don't know how to handle these things. I don't like people asking me about my problems because I feel like they're gonna react the wrong way ("awww" or "it's ok") and I'm just gonna feel even shittier. I have massive trust issues so I'm worried that people might give me the wrong advice. I'm used to dealing with my problems on my own because I know who I am and I know how I do things my way. Some may call it "independence", but I call it "pride". My pride has become abnormally big (due to some circumstances) that it is close to impossible to swallow it. Some people may think it's easy to swallow their pride (maybe because they don't have any), but it is an ENORMOUS struggle for me (I think it's a disorder). I was raised to stand on my own two feet without needing any foot but my own, so bare with me.

I looked back and figured out how I dealt with my bestfriends since highschool. I realized that we lasted this long because they were the ones who would just tell me about their problems/worries. I needn't ask them. Starting a conversation with the goal to know what the problem of whoever I'm talking to is such a struggle to me so I feel like I could never be a good bestfriend. (It's not an emo statement. I'm just purely stating what I think.) I don't like meddling with other people's shit because I don't like being meddled with (how many times must I emphasize this in this entry?). When I'm already in the conversation, that's when I can work my magic. I feel like something or someone must set the mood first before I talk to the person about his/her shit. I'm a pretty good listener and I give real good advice (no humility here, I'm really good... you just have to give me time to think). I guess that's what made my bestfriends since highschool stay with me. I can be real funny most of the time, but I can also be intensely emotional. I just feel bad because even if I know that one of my bestfriends is dealing with his shit, I'm just here, helplessly struggling how to approach him, and watching him deal with the shit on his own when I'm willing to clean up all the shit with him.

[There's still one more thing that I realized about myself today, but I think it'd be better to have a separate entry for that. It's quite heavy.]

So the "perfect day" ended with a dinner (plus tea) with my close friends, lots and lots of trivia from a friend who could shorten them once in a while, finally having a one-on-one session with THAT bestfriend, and me abruptly stopping on my way to our boarding house while screaming in my head because of the staring contest I had with a frog who thinks he's boss.

"30 Day" Harry Potter Challenge :')

Day 1: Your fave book. Half-Blood Prince. (order of fave books: 6-7-4-3-1-2-5)

Day 2: Your fave movie. Goblet of Fire

Day 3: Is there any of the films adaptations that have made you angry because they’ve ignored important parts of the book. Chamber of Secrets. It has lots of wrong adaptations from the book like when Snape used the Expelliarmus spell on Lockhart in the Dueling Club scene and Lockhart flew into the air when Expelliarmus is used JUST to disarm. O__O And it wasn't clearly stated why the Tom Riddle memory was able to possess Ginny. They murdered that IMPORTANT part of the book.

Day 4: Least fave female character and why. Lavander Brown. She kissed Ron millions of times. Nuff said. (I'd say Bellatrix Lestrange because she effin' killed Sirius Black, but I feel like she's just a victim of her love to Tom Riddle. O__O)

Day 5: Fave male character and why. Hagrid. In a way, he played the role of Harry's dad. And he's just so FLUFFY! :D

Day 6: What house would you want to be in. Hufflepuff! feeling ko mababago ko ung reputation nila of being sabaw. HAHA!

Day 7: Fave female character and why. Professor McGonagall. While Hagrid played the role of the Harry's dad, McGonagall played Harry's mom. In all the books, she's been consistent in supporting and protecting Harry. :)

Day 8: What do you think would be your fave lessons. Charms and Arithmancy. Charms had me when Hermione muttered, "it's not LevioSAR, it's LeVI-Osa," and Arithmancy..... well, it's Math. HAHA!

Day 9: Least fave male character. Mundungus Fletcher. He's an asshole.

Day 10: Horcruxes or Hallows. Hallows.

Day 11: What character would you say you are most like. Fred or George! :p

Day 12: Fave ship. Ron-Hermione 'til the end!

Day 13: Least fave movie. Chamber of Secrets. But ironically, this is the only movie where I memorize almost all the lines in. I watched this when I was in gradeschool so I must have a fantastic long-term memory. :p

Day 14: Team Voldemort or Team Harry. Team Snape.

Day 15: Who would be your best friends at hogwarts. (three only) Fred, George, and Lee Jordan! :D

Day 16: Fave professor. Professor McGonagall.

Day 17: Are you excited about The Deathly Hallows movie or scared it won’t do the book justice. HAHA! I WAS super excited that I dragged my sister after school and watched it on a Monday

Day 18: Least fave book. Order of the Phoenix.

Day 19: Do you prefer the books or films. It's like asking, "Do you prefer your iPod or your phone?"

Day 20: If you had to meet one member of the cast, who would it be. James and Oliver Phelps! :D And Rupert Grint of course. :p And (promise last na... haha!) Tom Felton. OH YEAH! Emma Watson! :D

Day 21: Out of all the characters that died, if you could bring one back, who would it be.Sirius Black or Dobby. :( I'd say Fred, but I feel like it's interesting to see how George can still be George without his twin. :|

Day 22: Harry Potter or Twilight. This is a stupid question. If you can't figure out why, then..........

Day 23: Any part of the books/movies that makes you cry. Books: When Sirius Black, Dumbledore, and Hedwig died. And when Harry found out that he still has some kind of connection to his parents thru Sirius Black. :') Movies: When Hermione erased the memories of her parents and when Snape died.

Day 24: Any particular scene you wished would have been put in the movie but it wasn’t. St. Mungo's scenes. Peeves and Professor Binns scenes. Hogwarts kitchen scenes! O_O

Day 25: Nineteen years later. Are you happy how it turned out, or do you wish something was different, ie Neville married Luna. What is up with the names of the kids? Nuff said. at saan pinulot ni Rowling si Astoria Greengrass. O_O

Day 26: If you could be able to work one spell without a wand what would it be. Definitely Accio. I feel like we waste half of our lives looking for stuff. May it be our pens, glasses, wallets, or even jobs, long lost friends, and love lives. LOL! emo na pala... HAHA!

Day 27: Would you rather own The Invisibility Cloak, The Resurrection Stone or The Elder Wand. Invisibility Cloak.

Day 28: Do you listen to Wrock, what do you think about it. (http://wizardrock.org/) No. :O

Day 29: Did you enjoy A Very Potter Musical. At first it was super funny, but towards the end, it was a bit draggy.

Day 30: What affect has Harry Potter made on your life and how much does it mean to you? Reading Harry Potter books made me realize that anyone can create different worlds inside their heads. I love how Rowling shared hers and made everyone enter it. (I guess that's what writers are really good at.) Whenever I open a Harry Potter book, my surroundings disappear into a world where it is way cooler to stay at school than home, where the function of rubber duckies are of great importance to some, where a clock that has the faces of your children and husband instead of numbers and hands are more functional, and where a malnutritioned boy who cannot see without his glasses make a good seeker. I'd want my copy of the HP series be passed on to my children and their children and their children and their children and so on to make them see themselves buying their wands, dressrobes, books, quills, inks, and cauldrons in Diagon Alley, being able to find Platform 9 and 3/4, ride the Hogwarts Express, and ride the boats to the greatest adventure they could ever imagine just like I did.

If you had super powers, what would it be?

Whenever I am faced with this question, I always answer invisibility and/or opposite of a dementor's powers (Harry Potter geek, I'm sorry).

Invisibility because who wouldn't want peace and quiet once in a while? Who wouldn't want not to be judged? It's very exhausting to impress other people or just be presentable enough to exist. I'd want to disappear once in a while so no one would be able to bother me. No one would be able to talk to me. No one would be able to come near me. No one would be able to hurt me.

A dementor's "powers" are to suck the soul out of human beings near it. It feeds on the sorrow of the people. It loves despair and fear. The path it walks on dies or becomes cold. When its lips meet a human's, the human will die. That is called the kiss of death. Me, I'd want the complete opposite of a demoentor's powers. I'd want to fill the human's soul happiness. I'd want to feed on every child's laughter and every elders' kisses. I'd love hope and faith. The path I walk on would become calmer and warm. Instead of a kiss, I'd give a hug of hope wherein the person who receives it would fall asleep and wake up the next day with a clear head and lighter heart because I won't be able to solve the person's problem. I could only set up the condition wherein one can think of what to do next. My powers wouldn't offer answers, it just manipulates moods. (If you read Twilight, a more exaggerated power of Jasper's is what I'm talking about.) When you think about it, no one could really solve your problems/sorrows for you. One can only help you get to a solution. If someone solves your problems for you, you won't be able to learn how do it yourself. And that's a scary place to be in. It's like walking thru life blind.

Whenever I'm around people, I'd always want them to have a good time. I put a lot of pressure on myself to entertain people. Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining. This is actually the reason why I want the complete opposite power of a dementor. When I'm around people, I'd want them to feel happy and comfortable with me. I'd want them to feel warmer and happier as if I hugged each of them real hard. This pressure is the reason why I don't like hosting parties. I feel like I'll go crazy when just one person isn't having fun. That pressure can be real heavy at times to a point where I'd just want to stay away from people. This is where the power of invisibility comes in. I'd want to recharge so I could make people happy again.

I could only imagine having both powers. It'd be awesome to make people happy while concealing my true self/emotions. It'd be great to make people love each other without them seeing your sorrows. It'd be fantastic to give people hope while you struggle with yours. Yes, it's very heroic and masochistic in some people's views, but super powers come with a price.

The Yellow Light Means Slow Down Not Speed Up

I wish you could stop playing god so we could be great friends already.

I have probably showed you a buttload of affection before (or probably a shitload of NEED for your affection) that made you think I was madly in love with you, but to be honest, I just sought the attention (and the affection). Man, did I like the affection. The last intense affection I received was 6 years ago so forgive me for wanting it so bad. I liked being noticed by you because it meant that I was important. You showered me with sweetness (and again affection), and yes, I loved every drop of it. But that one time, when we sealed the night with something that I thought was such a bad idea the minute I thought of it, I didn't feel anything. Anything that would turn the question marks above my head into lightbulbs. I won't deny that I wasn't expecting to feel something, but when I didn't feel it, I knew that it meant we should just stay friends, and I was more than ok with that. But then you started being weird. You started thinking too much to the point that you were going 100 km/hr when I was only going 60.

I'd like to think that we are good friends. I actually BELIEVE that we are. You're the only person who I can ask subjective questions to and have a straight answer without unnecessary sugar-coating. You're probably the smartest person I know apart from my dad. And I liked how you pushed me to be happy when I wanted the world to be sad with me.

I just frickin' wish you could stop thinking for just a frickin' while. I wish you could see that yellow light lit ever so brightly approaching a red one. I don't feel those things that you think I feel towards you so you could just put the damn wall down and let me in. You need not be in tippy-toes when you're with me. Just be that bestfriend again that I can eternally be shallow with and not have any care about what other people thought. Be that bestfriend that I loved so much.

...Because, to be honest, I miss you like hell.

Destinies, Expectations, Hopes, Mathematics, and Physics

Destiny, what the hell did I ever do to you? Why are you fucking with me? You know that feeling when you're looking forward to something real bad and then it doesn't happen? It's like committing suicide and ending up alive in a hospital. It's like drinking from a glass of what you thought was milk, but is actually water. It's like speeding up on a street expecting lots of speed bumps, but it turns out there are none. Doesn't it feel like crap? To avoid these shit, people came up with "Expect the unexpected." But those people don't know that every human being still expect the expected. We cannot avoid it. We can only modify it. And this is why smart people came up with "Expect the worst, and hope for the best." Yes, these people are smart, but they are not compassionate. They don't know how hard it is to expect the worst out of something. They don't know how easy it is to lose hope and still expect the worst.

Yes, expecting the worst and hoping for the best work. But it's hard to apply in real life. Just like Mathematics and Physics.

PS: Sorry, Destiny, for trying to question your plans. But please make me happy just this once. Please...

Fingers and KFC

Spoon and fork. Fries and ketchup. Pen and paper. Socks and feet. Salt and pepper. Cereals and milk. Architects and engineer. Cookies and cream. Bed and pillow. Winnie and a jar of honey. Tik and tok. Shooting stars and wishes. Night and day. Earth and sun. Ben and Jerry.  Friends and laughter. Friends and company. Friends and love. Friends and sadness. Friends and sleepovers. Friends and anger. Friends and tears. Friends and food. Friends and booze.

Remove the other one and there will be no balance, no functionality, and no equilibirum. One can't be complete without the other. One might survive without the other, but will still and forever remain incomplete.

Things don't need to be overthought. It is just as it is. A friend is a friend. You feel that THING when a bond is made between you and another person. I felt it. And I hope you felt it too.

Days 18-21

Day 18: Film That Is Your Guilty Pleasure
PS I Love You

Who wouldn't wanna watch Gerard Butler all day/week/month/year long?

Day 19: Film That Made You Cry the Hardest
My Sister's Keeper

I shed tears the minute I saw the sister. O_O From the start to the end, I finished a whole box of tissue.

Day 20: Movie with Your Favorite Actress
Two Weeks Notice

Sandra Bullock! /o/ This movie is also epic. Definitely a must-watch.

Day 21: Movie with Your Favorite Actor
Gamer

Gerard Butler. \o/ He's very versatile. He can play a frickin' Spartan and at the same time play a phantom, a lover, a player, and a criminal. <3 He's perfect.